Anticipation

[Mandy Moore]

Well, my 1 week off from school was nice. Not relaxing at all, but nonetheless nice.

• I started a garden.
• Cleaned the house.
• Heard Michael Pollan speak.
• Swam.
• Biked.
• Yoga-ed (?).
• Worked.
• Read [business book -- FUN! Hah].
• Started learning HTML from the scratch. [No more hacking templates! -- taking a class at work.]
• Planned out my triathlon and Ragnar training.
• Participated in the Race for the Cure [more to come on this].

But now back to school...

I loved my first semester in the ESS program. But, I've decided taking 13 credits (4 classes) was too much to ask of myself while I am working full time. So, I am looking forward to having only 2 classes (7 credits), and both online, for the summer. They are also classes I am  extremely interested in the material: Weight Management and Advanced Nutrition (learning about the science and chemistry of food!).

In addition to summer school, I am signed up for the NASM (National Association of Sports Medicine) 9-week course, starting May 28th. No turning back now... paid for my CPT test and have to take it in the next 180 days. If all goes well, I'll be certified this fall!

(So, I guess it's kinda like I am in school full-time, between the classes at the University and NASM...hmm...)

Oh. well.

Bring it on...

Eating the Peach

[James & the Giant Peach Soundtrack]

One of the classes I am currently taking is Fundamentals of Nutrition. It's been extremely insightful, even for someone who has been intrigued and dedicated to learning about nutrition on their own. [Though, I haven't and don't always practice good nutrition.]

Over the past few years, I've gotten pretty good at understanding calories, fats, carbohydrates, and proteins. I regulate my diet to match a 40-30-30* rule and try to balance my glycemic index. I'm certainly not perfect, but I shoot for 80-20, eat really good 80% of the time and then 20% can be more flexible. I think that's reasonable and realistic.

In fact, I got my body composition tested a couple weeks ago for this nutrition class.  I was dying to see how my increased attention to my diet has impacted me. Since I had this tested in March 2012, I've changed to:

• 5% less body fat 
• 12 lbs smaller

Also, the results showed:

• Cholesterol: 129 (Great)
• HDL: 56 (Good)
• non-HDL: 73 (Optimal)
• Total Body Water Weight: 69.81 lb [thought that was interesting]
• Resting Heart Rate: 60 beats per minute 

[She said my heart beat was that of a "marathoner"... [smiles]]

• Blood pressure: 134/103 

[High blood pressure runs in the fam-damn-ily. Thanks, mom! Plus my stress isn't helping right now].

• Height: 5'5"

[I was a half inch shorter than I thought. Hmm? But then again, I don't think I've EVER been officially tested on that.]

And, now seems like a better time than any to insert that I've accomplished the first of my MANY New Year's resolutions. I thought about saying discreetly that I met # goal, but what the hell... there it is. Some people might say that a 4 is big for them, others will have the opposite reaction. That number actually might not really mean a whole lot. But I think it's the comparison of where I've come from to get here. At high school graduation I wore a size 15. 10 years later, this is where I am. I don't intend to get smaller, this is just fine by me... maintenance from now on.

[You want the reason why I picked a 4? Sadly, it's because you can usually find clothes in size 4 still in stock and on sale... shopping? Yep. That's the reason. But, I've found that 4s don't usually have long legs like me. So things are never perfect. Bummer.] 

And just because I am tooting my horn, I'll just add I made it through Valentine's day without any cinnamon hearts. The rest of the year should be a breeze. Seriously, that's huge!

Okay continuing...

Now that I am exhibiting general good habits with my diet and no longer trying to lose weight, my focus has changed. Mostly due to this nutrition class. Learning about the breakdown of all foods and non-foods makes you have a different perspective about what you put inside yourself. So, the new focus is on WHAT my fats, carbs, proteins, and other foods I eat consist of. No, I haven't gone ALL organic and chemical free, but I'd like to. Yet, I don't seeing that being entirely feasible with the cost and time that would take. Not to mention, I've always hated how people in that genre look down upon us Dr. Pepper, Spam, and Velveeta cheese eaters. All of which I indulge in, occasionally.

But, with my efforts to maintain my health [and hopefully decrease that blood pressure?, I've been using the following apps. Thought I'd share them with yous alls. Because, let's be real, no one has the time to track this all on their own. Nutrition is complex, more than I ever thought. So check these out!

Lose it!Calorie Tracker

Fooducate
Food Comparison Guide
(Which food have GMOs, etc)

Paprika
Recipe Manager
(Import recipes from  the web)
(Awesome grocery list builder)

And then, if you have the time, check out these podcasts on nutrition:

What healthy changes have you made/want to make?

*40% of calories=carbohydrates, 30% of calories=fats, 30% of calories=proteins.

I Want It All

[High School Musical 3 Soundtrack]

Last night, KC and I were watching Seven Psychopaths. It sucked. So, to use the time more wisely, I pulled out my iPad to write a blog post. [Because, ya know, I only posted twice in January. That leaves me 173 left to post this year. I best get to it!]

As the iPad screen lit up, I saw the battery life was only 3%. So, there was that idea out the window. Rather than going to my desktop, I powered down, rolled on to my side, and fell asleep.

I had 14 miles to ponder life today. I couldn't help compare my life to my iPad's battery life. 

I'm running low. 

When I woke up this morning the sun was shining. I was ecstatic to FINALLY take my long run outdoors. 

The first mile was invigorating. But, then I hit a patch of un-shoveled sidewalks. I paused my watch and stumbled carefully over the icy terrain. I then picked back up to a nice 7:30/mi pace again for a few minutes. Then again, another patch of snow covered sidewalks. This pattern repeated over the course of my training. 

I fought through, but as I hit each patch of snow, mentally and physically I'd lose power. 

It was a tiring run. There were points where I considered calling KC and just asking him to come get me. There were points where I wanted to just walk, not give it my all. And then my podcast started talking about the power of:

"Practice not quitting"

(Per "Two Gomers Run For Their Lives")

During a race, knowing you never quit during a training run provides immense confidence. It can make or break you.

So, I decided not to quit. 

But, then I started down a more treacherous thought path -- is all this training was worth it? Could I ever REALLY qualify for Boston? Am I a fool for thinking it's possible? And if I can't really qualify, shouldn't I just stop running altogether so that I can get back these hours to focus on school, family, work, and all the other things I am juggling? I can quit if I am not going to race. Right?

But...then I thought...all these doubts mean I SHOULD DO IT. Because...

I aspire to shoot for big dreams. I pride myself in going for the unreachable. Those are the kinds of experiences that give you the most growth. 

I finished my run.

I finished it 3 minutes and 7 seconds faster than I ever have...

It was just what I needed to recharge my battery life, not just for running, but everything. I showered, packed my books up and spent the rest of the day at the University's library. Just as I had been thinking of giving the minimum to graduate...I reversed my thinking and thought:

"Never sell yourself short"

Be True to Your School

[The Beach Boys]

Call me a loser. Call me a dork. Call me a nerd. Call me C-R-A-Z-Y. Call me whatever you want.

But ...I LOVE SCHOOL!

Sure it makes the rest of life more challenging to juggle. Sure, I am exhausted by Friday. Sure, homework sucks. But, I still love it.

Last fall I wrote about the challenges I faced while trying to return to school to finish my bachelor's degree, after a 4 year absence. I decided to pursue the longer, but more passionate [to me] route -- Exercise and Sports Science, Pre-Physical Therapy.

It may be due to maturity. It may not be. I like to think I am enjoying school more now that I am studying material that really fascinates me. I think the only class that engaged me this much during my 3 years studying business was "Financial Investments". I have 4 classes this semester, all of which have caught my interest.

My brain IS rusty. I've got a lot of work to do in order to get up to speed. But, I can't imagine this could be better.

Life works in mysterious ways. I believe now more than ever, "When one door closes, another one opens."

I'm Not Crying

[Flight of the Conchords]

You think the [probably only 7 total] tears I've shed within the last 24 hours would be due to the unnecessary MMR shot I received yesterday.

But they weren't.

Or they might have been brought on by the uneasiness of the email from Walgreens thanking me for "Trusting" them.

Should I have not? What kind of pharmacists does my local Walgreens employ? She seemed legit...but now I am second guessing things. I should have travelled to Chad's Walgreens. Maybe, then they wouldn't have had to thank me. Chad's trustworthy. However, I would be afraid I'd get a different kind of shot in Kearns.

Still, the email wasn't the reason for my short cry fest.

Perhaps the tears have come from the withdrawals I am having from NOT being on a strict training program? Most certainly they COULD have, but they WEREN'T. Life without racing is depressing me. But, not enough to shed any tears. I am still working out. If I weren't, you'd DEFINITELY see tears. [I am unstable without exercise for a release. Just ask my mother-in-law who can vouch for some insanity on the move back from Mass.]

I used to be a crier. So in the past, it could have been for no reason at all. But the past few years, I've toughened up. I like to think "I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through". I've hardened my heart and find I am pretty tough these days. I can't recall the last time I had cried prior to today. So it's probably not a random drive by crying.

But I became weak for a short 5 minutes and am suppressing the choked up feeling I have welling inside as I type this blog entry.

So if it wasn't for the above reasons, then why?

Earlier this summer I had decided that now was the time to go back to school to finish my Bachelor's Degree. It's been bad news ever since.

When I had paused schooling to follow Kase out to Mass back in 2008, we had debated postponing marriage and separating for a couple months. I had only 5 classes left til my Bachelor's in Accounting would be completed. I could crank it out in 1 semester while Kase started his Law School Career alone. I would then join him for his second semester. We would delay marriage and live together, hoping to one day commit, but who knew when. As we thought more about this, we weighed all the options and decided it was best to pursue KC's career path while I supported him financially and emotionally.

I don't regret leaving school to live in Mass and be with Kase. It was an experience I'll never forget and I have some great memories from that time.

But I can't say it's made my life any easier [at least for now]. 

As I return, I am finding that not only did it set me back for the 4 years I've been absent, but much more.

Tuition has nearly doubled since my last sememster at the U.

My class number increased from 5 to 13 classes because of some added diversity and internation requirements. Causing me to choose to change major paths and go for a business management degree, which is still 11 classes, but 2 less than accounting and will do the same thing for me job-wise.

Where I didn't have a hold on my account before, I now had. Stating they were missing my first [not second though; if I got the second doesn't that mean I got the first? Duh!] MMR shot. Taking me 2 months of unsuccessful tracking down the records, I was forced into paying $100 for the pointless immunization.

And after finding 4 classes I could register for and having the hold removed today, I come to find out that I am no longer registered as a student and have to reapply to the university. Which means, no fall semester.

And that's when the water works start..

As I teared up, it hits me... the GPA for acceptance into the highly coveted Business School program is a 3.7. My GPA had dropped to a 3.69. If I have lost my seat, then I won't get back in.

Should I hang the rope now? Or should I wait until I find out that my Massachusetts driver's license deems me as an out of state resident? I am banking on it. It's bound to be bad news. Time to ditch the license and get myself back to Utah. If a new driver's license doesn't cover my absence I am looking at 2 years waiting period. I wouldn't start school again until after I am 30!

It sounds dramatic, but I want to die.

As I stood in the stairwell at work crying my 7 tears to Kase I tried to swallow my sadness and think of the positive.

I don't want a business degree any longer, but because it was the shortest route to a degree I was continuing that path. I was only doing it for a fall back plan and my pride.

Could this be a sign I am supposed to follow my true passion through school and actually get something from it? If I can't get back into the business school and have to start back at the beginning of a undergraduate, post-general degree should I be majoring in physical therapy? sports medicine? health nutritionist?

That's an exciting thought. [A longer road, but something I'd actually love.]

And as I started to think of the positive, I instantly got happy as I thought of the training time that was suddently made available. Kase laughed hysterically as my cries turned to smiles as I thought of participating in some fall races.

I hung up the phone, wiped off my wet cheek, and registered for a sprint triathlon.

Life moves forward for this type A personality...

It's not necessarily a consolation for the sad occassion at hand, but it's helping. Now to order that bike computer and start working on some speed. Then apply for Spring semester...

1 month and counting until race day...I could cry over the anticipation! Hopefully it will keep me distracted from my sad news...