Undone

[No Doubt]

It's not a good sign when I am 9 days out from my "A" race and I am sitting on the couch eating [homemade] cookies and milk....

Not. Good. AT. ALL!

Why do we allow ourselves to get in these situations? Setting goals, not giving them our all...

I had big plans this year.

1. Qualify for Boston. Strike ONE [Since BQ has to be in by September and I am not running any marathons in the next 2 months.]

2. Finish 30 Credit Hours in school. Strike TWO, since I had to drop out of my summer classes. (For a couple reasons).

3. Place in my division at Spudman...

Ya... Spudman... that "A" race I was talking about.

Last year I competed in Spudman, an Olympic Triathlon. I worked from February to July to get ready. I WAS ready. AND I did well for my 1st triathlon. I placed 11th in the swim and 9th on the run. Or something like that.

This year, I had this vision....

maintain my swimming and running + decrease my cycling time = place in my division

 It wasn't going to be that hard... REALLY, it wasn't. And how things were going with my running, in preparation to BQ, I had decreased my 10k time by a almost 10 minutes -- buffering my cycling time. I was so ready for this.

But today.. I am not feeling ready.

I want to blame this all on my quad injury from the Salt Lake Marathon. But for the past month, since Ragnar, I haven't had quad issues... so it's not really an excuse. [I did have a glimpse of IT band issues and ankle problems... but nothing I couldn't work with].

My next excuse is work. It's wiped me out. I am trying to save my job. Fulfill extreme expectations. Still, I've trained through difficult work issues before. I've done stressful environments. Not a good excuse.

But ya... one excuse or another, I am here. Having only taken my bike off my trainer and to the great outdoors ONCE this year [and bike computer not working]. Not having swum for over a week. And my pace has slowed to 8:48/mile.

But, I am determined to not have a DNS or DNF on my athletic record.

My brother asked what a running record is. Well, it's mental -- that's for certain. But it's also physical. Here.

Nonetheless... this is my self pep talk... I can do this.

I won't place. Fine. There is always next year.

But, that doesn't mean I give up.

I won't. I am going to compete.

I refuse to do less than that. Because I know I can go and give it my best. The best of what I've got to give NOW.

And I'll not give up on my goals. I'll just realize, this is not the year for them. Life has other plans for me this year.

But, I just purchased this book today and I'll be getting up bright and early to swim out 1600m tomorrow morning. And I'll move forward. Trying. One day at a time.

...AND hey! I am still "purchased sweets" free [I haven't had a piece of candy for 6 months and 18 days!] and I still fit into that jean size I was working towards... so not a complete failure this year... right?! I just can't let that work go down the drain... Plus, I have to have some WINS. Life can't just complete go to shit. Anyway....

What advice do you have for cramming for a race? Is it possible? How do you bounce back from struggle to meet your goals?

Blame it on the Weatherman

[B*Witched]

The. 2nd Marathon. Post.

(AKA - 26.2 miles + some TREACHEROUS stories, so get ready for another doozie of a post.)

Today I received my favorite medal, by finishing the Salt Lake Marathon.

It was the hardest to earn.

It's beautiful, both in aesthetic and what it stands for.

After months of training, I woke up yesterday morning at 4:55am to run the Salt Lake City Marathon. I've done the half before. A flat course. Easy peasy. I had my training in. I had improved my pace. During my training long runs, I was in reach of Boston Qualifying (BQ) time for the full marathon. I was banking on one factor pushing me into BQ, that race day I almost always run faster. There was a glimmer of hope I could actually do this... on my 2nd marathon.

I woke up feeling great. Excited. It was cloudy and drizzling outside, but rain was not forecasted between 7am and 10am... thus, creating an expectation of workable weather for the race period. I bundled up: sports bra, green tank (for Boston support), long-sleeve shirt, wind breaker, UA cold gear running tights, gloves, hat, socks, and shoes. I was prepared for 40 degree temps.

My mom picked me up and we drove to the start. Getting out of the vehicle, the rain hadn't ceased. We had grabbed garbage bags [faux ponchos] and hoodies to keep us warm and dry while we waited out the pre-race events. [In line for the restroom (pic to the right), I ran into my high school friend Richard (orange arrow). Fun time. Totally brought me back.]

As 7am neared my mom and I split up to find our pacers (my mom was shooting for sub 2:45 in the half distance and I for sub 3:30 in the marathon). There wasn't a 3:30 pacer team, so I debated between the 3:35 and pushing it at the end or 3:25 and having room to drop back. I made the executive decision to give myself some room and lined up behind the 3:25ers - Steve and Steve. Because of the Boston bombings, the organizers led a moment of silence for Boston and then started up "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond. Having gone to multiple Red Sox games in Fenway, I immediately got chills thinking about my surrogate home, Massachusetts. This has all been so close to my heart, with having lived there and then recently preparing to qualify to run in the Boston Marathon. My thoughts have been directed back to the tragic events of Monday over the course of the week. I felt blessed to get to participate in this race and these moments of seeing the running community continue to run and not fear, but support. Boston, I love you. "B" strong.

I signed right inside the N in "Remembering"

The race gun went off and as we ran we sang to Sweet Caroline, pumping our fists as we sang out, "Sweet Caronline....bum, bum, bum." I kept up behind the Steves until the crowd broke up and then carried a conversation with them about pacing, traveling, work, and some random topics, for the first 7 miles. During which time I beat my 1 mile, 5k, and 10k PRs:

6 seconds faster

11 seconds faster

1 minute and 39 seconds faster

As we passed the 7 mile marker, the rain started to come down -- hard. I decided to drop back, considering I had gained some time during the first 7 miles. The rain would make things more challenging, so I decided to conserve some energy and keep between 8-8:30 pace. At the half mark, I made my fourth PR of the day:

2 minutes and 13 seconds faster

And then things started to go downhill, but not literally...because this race was mostly a gradual incline with spurts of quick downhill. Not a good mix. But my temperature dropped, my attitude dropped, my energy, and speed.

At mile 17, I was exhausted. I ran into a previous co-worker and friend, Oscar, who ran with me for .25-.5 of a mile. It was a nice distraction from the wet, cold, exhaustion I was going through physically. We caught up on life and I told him I had left the place we had both worked, ListMarketer. But after, he left to go back to his spectating, I moved forward and my body was begging me to give it a break. 

At mile 18, I knew BQ was out of the picture. I couldn't keep up this pace. So my next goal was sub-4 hours. I made the decision to pull out my old Jeff Galloway run-walk-run method and walk 1 minute every mile. Giving my quads a break -- because they were hurting and frozen. The walking was enjoyable. Refreshing. But picking back up to run was torture. But, I did it. Until mile 23 hit. And when my minute was up, I kept walking. My legs were heavy. My clothes soaked through. My feet sloshing around in my shoes. My hands were shaking through the drenched gloves. And my hat had rain pooling off the bill. I was done. I pulled out my phone to call KC to pick me up. I was going to get my first DNF (did not finish). 

As I held my phone in my hands, during mile 23, I debated about not having to feel failure or getting into a warm bath. Which was more important to me? By mile 24 and with the 4 hour mark approaching, I dialed the number. 

KC: "Vieve! We are all at the finish line...we didn't miss you, did we?"

Me: "No, I am walking. I've bonked. Can you please come walk with me or send someone else to come walk with me?"

KC: "Where are you?"

Me: "I am at mile 24. I am just going to walk the last 2 miles. But, I need someone here to get me through it."

KC: "I will come right now."

And that was it. I wasn't quitting. I was going to take the humbling shuffle to the finish line.

I kept walking. My phone rang, still in my hand. It was my dad... expecting that I had finished and calling to wish me congrats. He asked about the race and laughing I told him I was still working on it. That I was currently walking. I had to laugh at the fact that, who takes a phone call during a race? My step-mom chimed in (also on the call), "Sweetie, are you okay?" It was the golden question. I guess I was. I mean I hurt, both mentally and physically. But I was okay. I told them a brief explanation of what had happened and then we closed the call.

Halfway into the 25th mile, I saw KC and his dad coming my direction. KC cheered out, "Vieve! You are so close!" His positive attitude was just the ticket. There was no disappointment in his voice. None of the thoughts running around in my head saying that it was shameful to walk, that I could have made 4 hours, that laid out all the things I had done wrong. He just assured me that I was going to make it. And that finishing was enough -- even more so, that it was great.

He peeled my wind breaker and gloves off me and gave me his coat. I want to say that I became immediately warm. Unfortunately, I was frozen to the core. But, it was still better than having the wet layer on top of 3 other wet layers. Now at least something was dry. And it was an extremely sweet gesture from Kase. He was good to me.

About one block further, my pregnant sister, Krick, and KC's mom joined us. Immediately when I saw Krick tears started to flow. This is the sister that ran my first marathon with me. It was the person that I knew could most empathize with me. And she said through her tears, as we hugged, "I am so proud of you! You've done so well. You are doing great!" I wish I had the words to explain what that meant to me. I don't. All I have is tears. For having such an amazing sister. It just overwhelmes me. I love you, Krick. 

Together, the five of us walked the remaining 1.5 miles [taking 23 minutes to do so]. For my sake, as I kept tearing up, Krick thanked me for walking so that she could participate in this race with me. She had wanted to run a portion with me, but being 8 mos pregnant, that wasn't feasible. But, even though she said she was getting joy out of being part of that run with me, I am pretty sure she did more for me. 

KC and I "running" to the finish

With the finish line in sight and being too proud, I switch back into my windbreaker -- dawning my race bib and ran to the finish. KC at my side. I didn't BQ. I didn't sub-4. But, I did finish. And I even finished with a PR. Ending at 4:34:05.

The downward spiral...

After the race, I hugged my mom and cried more. She had beat her 2:45 goal. I am so proud of her. 

My mom and I; Half and Full Marathon Finishers

Me, Krick, and Mom

KC and I

We didn't stick around for any post-race festivities, but got in the car and went straight home for a long, HOT bath.

One last story. I laid in that HOT bath that I had been dreaming about [and that almost made me quit]. The phone rang, it was my sister Hilary. I relayed the events of the race. At this point in the day, I had beaten myself up for 2 hours over what a pathetic failure I was. She said something so profound, to me. "Gen, why did you want to qualify for Boston? Why do you want to run Boston? It's because you want that experience. That's all running is about -- experiences. And you got some amazing experiences today. Experiences that also show what kind of a person you are. Experiences that bonded you with KC and Krick." She is spot on. I am lucky for that. So my take away is positive:

I finished. I was strong. So strong that I asked for help when I needed it, rather than quitting.  And, I have amazing people in my life that were there to help and support me.

It Happens

Oops...

Guess that's what I get for being outside with my back to the sun for 3 hours and 19 minutes. 

Probably the worst sunburn I've had in years. Go ahead and laugh. It's funny. I look like a white trash wife beater. 

But, out of my two 23 mile training runs to date. This was the better of the two. Actually really enjoyed myself. Super difficult from miles 20-23, but still managed to have a good time.

And, side note, March 2013 was officially the most I've run in a month, period. 136 miles...

The bulk of marathon training is now over. I've got taper the next two weeks and the marathon the third week. Same week as finals at school. Brilliant planning, huh?

How are you enjoying the spring?

Do a Little Dance

[KC and the Sunshine Band]

Ladies and Gents, I finally ran a half-marathon distance under 1 hour and 45 minutes!

Did you see my last post? That means in 2 weeks time I improved by a whole 4 minutes and 27 seconds. 

[¡¡¡¡Squeal!!!!]

And don't forget to check the small print on that image.... 15 miles under 2 hours. [I am doing a dance right now...but only because I took a 2 hour nap. That kinda wiped me out.]

I can't even tell you how much I struggled to get to the gym since my last post. That 13 miler was extremely disconcerting. But, I went to the gym (most of the time), and look at the payoff. 

You are always one (or a couple) runs away from a good run. Be persistent with your goals. They can't always be painful or always incredible. It's gonna be a rollercoaster. Like some things in life...it's inevitable.

I just hope this means I am out of the rut for a little while. Bring on the fun...

I Want It All

[High School Musical 3 Soundtrack]

Last night, KC and I were watching Seven Psychopaths. It sucked. So, to use the time more wisely, I pulled out my iPad to write a blog post. [Because, ya know, I only posted twice in January. That leaves me 173 left to post this year. I best get to it!]

As the iPad screen lit up, I saw the battery life was only 3%. So, there was that idea out the window. Rather than going to my desktop, I powered down, rolled on to my side, and fell asleep.

I had 14 miles to ponder life today. I couldn't help compare my life to my iPad's battery life. 

I'm running low. 

When I woke up this morning the sun was shining. I was ecstatic to FINALLY take my long run outdoors. 

The first mile was invigorating. But, then I hit a patch of un-shoveled sidewalks. I paused my watch and stumbled carefully over the icy terrain. I then picked back up to a nice 7:30/mi pace again for a few minutes. Then again, another patch of snow covered sidewalks. This pattern repeated over the course of my training. 

I fought through, but as I hit each patch of snow, mentally and physically I'd lose power. 

It was a tiring run. There were points where I considered calling KC and just asking him to come get me. There were points where I wanted to just walk, not give it my all. And then my podcast started talking about the power of:

"Practice not quitting"

(Per "Two Gomers Run For Their Lives")

During a race, knowing you never quit during a training run provides immense confidence. It can make or break you.

So, I decided not to quit. 

But, then I started down a more treacherous thought path -- is all this training was worth it? Could I ever REALLY qualify for Boston? Am I a fool for thinking it's possible? And if I can't really qualify, shouldn't I just stop running altogether so that I can get back these hours to focus on school, family, work, and all the other things I am juggling? I can quit if I am not going to race. Right?

But...then I thought...all these doubts mean I SHOULD DO IT. Because...

I aspire to shoot for big dreams. I pride myself in going for the unreachable. Those are the kinds of experiences that give you the most growth. 

I finished my run.

I finished it 3 minutes and 7 seconds faster than I ever have...

It was just what I needed to recharge my battery life, not just for running, but everything. I showered, packed my books up and spent the rest of the day at the University's library. Just as I had been thinking of giving the minimum to graduate...I reversed my thinking and thought:

"Never sell yourself short"

Promise

[Simple Plan]

12-12-12

That's sad to think it's the last time I'll see the day, month, and year as all the same number...well, EVER. Unless some miracle drug comes out and I live to 2101. I highly doubt that will happen in my lifetime though. Still, I am a fan of living forever...sounds fun...

Just wanted to take a moment to celebrate and mourn that, what would you call it? ...Event?

On another note. In my head, I am running two marathons next year. Possibly three.

My "A" race is the planned May marathon; the Vermont Marathon with my buddy, Nate. However, though we haven't actually discussed this, I have a gut feeling from some recent news that we won't be running that race as we've planned. (Nate, I am still in if you are. However, if you have to postpone...I get that, too. Guess, we need to skype.). Still, I we started training for said race the Monday after Thanksgiving, per our training calendar. [Not to brag, but it wasn't a change for me. In fact, I SHOULD be doing less per those plans. ]

My "B" race is in June; the Utah Valley Marathon. This is if said May race is forgone for a future undetermined date to run a marathon with Nate because of unsaid circumstances. I started training for this marathon on Monday. This "race" isn't anything special. Except that it is going to my first marathon in many to come [I assume] in my qwest for Boston qualifying. I am sure I'll have more to say on this as time progresses. But, I'll say this now: Yes, I have always said I wouldn't try to qualify for Boston because I knew I couldn't get there. But, yes, I've changed my mind. I am capable of this. I know this now. [Why do I always say never?]

My "C" race is in April. This is my fall back. If come March, the "A" race is no longer planned and my pace isn't down to Boston qualifying standards, I've decided I'll still use the training I've invested to run a marathon. Just I'll run it earlier than planned so that I can get onto training for my summer Triathlons.

This isn't how I anticipated this post going, but I guess it's on my mind and still fitting for the real subject at hand:

750

I am a numbers person. Which works for and against me. Numbers, like the one above hold me accountable. It's rather silly. But they sometimes can do more motivation for me than any single person. It an internal need to fulfill that.

This particular number, 750 is the mileage goal I pledged to the Gomer Nation upon the 2012 new year. There isn't any reward but satisfying that number, really.

Reminder, it's 12-12-12.

My thoughts exactly...

"Crap!"

I'm not giving up though. I estimated that's just under 3.5 miles a day. I can do this.  Especially with my marathon training in full effect. [I don't run every day, but with a small increase* I think I can still get there.]

So, are you still thinking about your 2012 resolutions? Or am I just a nut job? Wait...yes. Yes, I am.

*FYI, for fellow runners I am keeping this under 10% a week. Let's not get stupid here.