January 19, 2011

#worstdate

1. I love Jimmy Fallon. Love HIM.
2. check out the hashtag #worstdate on twitter right now.

Jimmy Fallon last night asked everyone to post their worst date memories to that hash tag. I have been laughing all day at the stream. I posted:

@jimmyfallon My prom date had a gold chain necklace w/a gold eagle pendant. I had to ask him to button up his tux. Start to the #worstdate

Seriously loving twitter right now. Getting kind of sick of all the crap that comes with facebook. eh.


Anyway, I got to thinking about my worst dates. [Laughter]. I have some good ones. But there are REALLY two that are notable:

Story #1: The Gold Eagle Pendant Prom Date

Story #2: The Boy in the Hoodie

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Story #1

Illustration by Malia Gillette
Let me first say, that my Junior prom was just as you could have always wanted. A good friend of mine took me. I loved Jr. Prom. Good food, good fun, good guy, good group. I had such a good time that when I got asked out to prom as a Senior (which was rare), I was excited for another fun evening.

One of my bff's Lena was going to be in our group, since her boy and mine were best friends. They even  asked us to prom at the same time. With roses and all. We were enthused about the event, to say the least.

The day after I got asked to the dance, I went to the fabric store and got material to sew my own dress. It was gorgeous. Maroon and black. A large full skirt. Corset top. I loved it. But even more, I had invested more into the dance.

The day of the dance came. And in Salt Lake City, Utah, the expectation for the entire day is filled with activities. So at 7am, I got a call that they needed directions to come pick me up for breakfast. My address was a tricky one. Yay, surprise breakfast, NOT. What girl wants to go on a date, not having time to have showered or properly dress? But I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Even in my pajamas. It was the thought that counts, right?

They found my house, with enough time to brush my teeth, put makeup on, and brush my hair. But I knew that Lena would die if she had to wear PJs and I didn't, so I left those the same. We went to get waffles and pancakes. It was fun. We laughed and had great conversation.

The second activity of the day was build-a-bear. Cheesy, yes. Seventeen self, enjoyed it (probably because they let us go home and get dressed). Lena and I picked out bears and dressed them in tuxedos. Aw, cute. [haha]. We even put little briefs on them.



Why I named him Mr. Paint. Clueless. Really? I am sure it was an inside joke about my prom date. But twenty-six year old self can't remember. (Lena, if your reading and remember...please fill me in.)

The way home, every couple played the "Make out at the stop light game"...well, every couple but Lena/her guy and Me/my guy. We were rather sickened by it. [haha...oh gen (shaking head)].

So so far, so good, right? I agree. Breakfast. Cute stuffed animal. Good date. Not so fast...let me finish.

Sinclair shows up (his name was Sinclair, should have known then). I am in the kitchen, getting my hair curled while my mom sits at the sewing machine finishing the sleeves on my dress. (I couldn't sew sleeves back then.) So Sinclair sits in our front room and waits, while we rap things up. I felt bad. But that is normal...especially for prom...especially in our family.

So once, I was finally ready... (Note: My mom had to cut me out of my shirt so I would ruin my hair...poor Ricky Martin shirt..RIP)...I went into the front room. I notice this:

@jimmyfallon My prom date had a gold chain necklace w/a gold eagle pendant. I had to ask him to button up his tux. Start to the #worstdate
It was just the eagles head. It was gold. And it rested on his 17 year old, kinda growing some hair, chest. The tuxedo shirt unbuttoned a few notches. [Cringe]. I couldn't take my eyes off it. Really, we are going out of the house...to the highschool dance...where all my friends will be....and he is wearing that! Barf...

Me: "Nice necklace. You need to button up your shirt and hide it before we leave. Thanks!"

[bitch!]

So maybe that is why it was a bad date. But no. It gets worse. He opens my door and I cram my dress into the jeep. [Seriously, big skirt]. We head get to our dinner destination, Desert Star Playhouse.  We get a pizza. Okay, I am not high maintenance. Pizza is good.  Even for prom. And the play was kinda blah, but whatever. Let's put those items aside for a minute. Let's talk about the real issue at dinner.

Gramp's Cologne

That is probably all I need to say. But for those of you who don't catch on quickly. My date and I were sitting so close, I probably should have just sat on his lap. And due to the closeness of the seating in the playhouse. I could smell, very strongly, my dates cologne. Note to all guys. Smelling like a grandpa is a turn off. Unless you are a playmate, in which I won't speak for you.

I lean over to Lena and say "He smells like a grandpa." And I will never forget her facial expression. It was perfect. [Lena, thank you for being on that date with us. Seriously wouldn't have survived without you].

Okay, so some bad things happened. Should I stop now and let you think that was my worse date? I could. But really? REALLY? do you want that? Really?

No! That is what I thought...

So we finally get to the dance. We get in line for pictures. Find out, no pictures were purchased. [Hence why Malia drew a picture of me in my dress. I don't actually have any pictures from that night].

We get out of line. We dance. Lena and I love to dance. So we are goofing off, while the guys do the typical "sway and stand". I do something dumb. Lena points it out. I get embarrassed. And that's that. Moving on..

Of course, Lena and I look hot. So the guys try to freak with us (mom close your eyes....). So we do. Just a bit. Just high school version. But really, my dress was so big, that we couldn't do much. (k, mom you can open your eyes again).

The guys get more crazy as the night goes on. They definitely had teenage guy stuff on the mind. And it didn't help that our entire group was macking on each other. Don't give them ideas. I didn't find him that attractive. Plus he smelled like a grandpa!

So Lena and I just kinda held onto each other most of the night.

We left the dance at the last moment. Last song. We were hoping that no activities were planned for afterwards. Because in reality, we knew what kind of activities were probably planned. Eeek!

So we get back in the jJep. And thank goodness, end up at European Connection. Well that is after the guys hand out mini glow in the dark sticks to everyone. I stick mine in my purse. 

We ate crepes. And then Lena and I told them it was time to get home "for curfew". [in reality curfew was a couple hours later.]We also told them that they could drop us both off at Lena's place. I was supposedly sleeping over [also not true]

So we get back into the car. And the guys throw their mini glowie sticks into the their mouths. Lena jokingly teases them by doing the same. My date pressure me to do it to. So I stick the green stick in my mouth. We drive away. My date is hitting on me. Lena's date is hitting on her. They obviously wanted to make out with these green and purple glowing things.

We pull out of the parking lot and on the turn right onto Ft. Union get into a car wreck. A minor one. With some damage. No one was hurt. It was my dates problem. And my date decides to drive away.

"No!", I said as I spit out the glowing stick, "You turn this [bleeping] car around RIGHT now! How dare you try to drive away. Get the [bleep] back there and talk to the [bleeping] guy!" [This was big for me,  I never cussed back then]
My date was pissed. But did as I said. [Thank you very much]. The guy and him talked it out. He got back in the car. We never said a word to each other after. Not on the date. Not at school. Never.

So that is the end of the story. Not quite.

Lena and I see her date at school the following Monday. [My date is nowhere to be seen].  He dishes out the real details of the night:


  1. They were boozing all day.
  2. The cologne was stolen from Nordstroms earlier in the day. Between Build-a-Bear and Prom night pickup.
  3. They had "borrowed" the car from a friend. They claim it was a friend. But still skeptical.
  4. Mine and Sinclair's dinners and play tickets were paid for by Lena's date. I offered to pay him back. He said no. [He was a nice guy. How they were friends...who knows?]
  5. The build-a-bear undies/briefs were stolen and never paid for. [Lena and I went back to the store and paid for them. Haha.]
So there it is. Story #1. I'll save story #2 for another day. I need to talk to Krick first. I've blocked most of it from my memory. 

4 comments:

  1. I didn't hear this story when it happened (in DC). How awful!

    Please tell me #2 is the hoodie guy. I probably don't remember everything but I'm SURE Randy will.

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  2. Ummmm....Wow! That is one amazingly horrible story. My worst date ever was when I was SO excited to go out with this totally HOT guy I had met online and chatted with/talked with for weeks. He shows up and is not at ALL what his photo looked like. At the end of the date, which sucked regardless, I asked him and he was like "ya I just found that picture of some model online...funny huh?"...uh ya, hillarious.

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  3. That was awesome. When I hear stories like that, I'm glad I didn't go to prom.

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  4. I AM SOOO INCREDIBLY SAD THERE IS NO PICTURE TO GO ALONG WITH THIS STORY! :) AHH!

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