I Want It All

[High School Musical 3 Soundtrack]

Last night, KC and I were watching Seven Psychopaths. It sucked. So, to use the time more wisely, I pulled out my iPad to write a blog post. [Because, ya know, I only posted twice in January. That leaves me 173 left to post this year. I best get to it!]

As the iPad screen lit up, I saw the battery life was only 3%. So, there was that idea out the window. Rather than going to my desktop, I powered down, rolled on to my side, and fell asleep.

I had 14 miles to ponder life today. I couldn't help compare my life to my iPad's battery life. 

I'm running low. 

When I woke up this morning the sun was shining. I was ecstatic to FINALLY take my long run outdoors. 

The first mile was invigorating. But, then I hit a patch of un-shoveled sidewalks. I paused my watch and stumbled carefully over the icy terrain. I then picked back up to a nice 7:30/mi pace again for a few minutes. Then again, another patch of snow covered sidewalks. This pattern repeated over the course of my training. 

I fought through, but as I hit each patch of snow, mentally and physically I'd lose power. 

It was a tiring run. There were points where I considered calling KC and just asking him to come get me. There were points where I wanted to just walk, not give it my all. And then my podcast started talking about the power of:

"Practice not quitting"

(Per "Two Gomers Run For Their Lives")

During a race, knowing you never quit during a training run provides immense confidence. It can make or break you.

So, I decided not to quit. 

But, then I started down a more treacherous thought path -- is all this training was worth it? Could I ever REALLY qualify for Boston? Am I a fool for thinking it's possible? And if I can't really qualify, shouldn't I just stop running altogether so that I can get back these hours to focus on school, family, work, and all the other things I am juggling? I can quit if I am not going to race. Right?

But...then I thought...all these doubts mean I SHOULD DO IT. Because...

I aspire to shoot for big dreams. I pride myself in going for the unreachable. Those are the kinds of experiences that give you the most growth. 

I finished my run.

I finished it 3 minutes and 7 seconds faster than I ever have...

It was just what I needed to recharge my battery life, not just for running, but everything. I showered, packed my books up and spent the rest of the day at the University's library. Just as I had been thinking of giving the minimum to graduate...I reversed my thinking and thought:

"Never sell yourself short"