One Door Closes

I always keep things about work very vague. And this post isn't going to really change that. But this has been an exhausting week, mentally and emotionally. 

My job is hard to explain. KC always says he isn't even sure what I do. And it's not worth trying to explain now. It's complicated.

I've hinted here and there how many hours I put in, how stressed I am, the instability of the job lately. All in all, it's been VERY difficult. But I never gave up. Sometimes I felt like I could, but like any of my siblings, we just don't have "giving-up" in us.

As of yesterday, the doors to my work were closed, the employees laid off, clients notified, and I am left cleaning things up. The parent company is trying to make a position for me and I should know more of where I am going Monday. 

Overall, I feel a lot of emotions right now:

• Relief - I have fought a lot for this company to stay alive. And there is a bit of relief in me that I am done fighting and can start throwing my energy towards another job. Also, it's a relief to just have a finality to it. The going back and forth was so intensely draining. Lastly, I've worked every day, including weekend and holidays for the past 3 years. I would be lying if I weren't trying to look at the positive aspect of this being that I might actually have a full day off. That is a relief.
• Frustration - It shouldn't have been shutdown. It was trending upwards. It was going to have a profitable month. But due to a law suit the company is going through. The court shut it down. 
• Failure - I was in-charge of this business. Seeing it fail, means I failed. I know. I am going to get lectured for that. But it's hard not to feel that way. I do know that I did EVERYTHING I could and gave it my best. But there is still a small feeling of failure just because it was MY project and it is isn't being allowed to go forward.
• Sad - I am aching for the employees who worked SO hard to make it work and in the end were let go. These were my friends and they are incredible people. I am so thankful for them being such an enormous help to me, because they reminded me daily to refocus and continue pressing forward. Fabulous workers that did there very best. I will miss working with them and hope them the very best.
• Anxious - I am not sure what or if I really have a position with the parent company. So I am anxious about what will happen with that. 
• Denial - Has this really just happened? It just doesn't make sense, so it's hard to believe it's over.
• Happy - To be moving onto the next phase of life. I can handle anything.
• Gratitude - When KC and I moved out to MA, this company allowed me to work remotely. They gave me the opportunity to support my husband and remain a part of the company. It allowed me to travel back to Utah and see my family more than I probably would have at any other job. And with us moving back in 10 weeks, I am so grateful that I was allowed to manage this company for the duration of our time out here. It really is a mixture of hard work, an understanding boss, and a miracle.

I know that a lot of you have been concerned and asking for updates. Overall, KC and I are fine, and will be fine no matter what the outcome. I am glad to have him and family who have been a huge support to me. IMs, emails, phone calls. I have a lot of people that love me and I am so grateful for that. This post wasn't to worry anyone. So don't be. It really isn't necessary. I just wanted to provide an update and document this change in my life. But KC and I are absolutely in no trouble. Now, onto the next thing...